excerpt from:

Life Transitions


Life transitions are challenging because they force us to
let go of the familiar and face the future with vulnerability.
Most life transitions begin with a string of losses:
•        The loss of a role
•        The loss of a person
•        The loss of a place
•        The loss of your sense of how and where you fit in
the world.


Getting Stuck

Sometimes, we can’t seem to move through the process.
Why? Some of the reasons that individuals become frozen
in trauma in the past and can’t seem to shake the
emotions surrounding bad events can be:

        Feeling ashamed about being “weak.”
        Feeling ambivalent or unresolved about what has
happened, and then feeling guilty about that.
        Not having support; no one acknowledges the loss,
or they contradict your feelings.
        Not having a history of overcoming stress (no past
good experiences to draw from).
        The past spilling into the present – what is
unresolved will be re-enacted.

Unresolved Early Experiences

Sometimes what is going on now has some resemblance
to earlier experiences that were associated with
vulnerability. Our unconscious can react as though we are
still small, without power, influence or resources. Here are
some examples:

A woman goes into a depression after an Illness that
causes her to skip work. She doesn’t know why she feels
fragile and lonely, and she blames herself for it, criticizing
herself for “being a Drama Queen.”
What emerges is that, after a lengthy illness in grade
school, she returned to school and her friends rejected
her.
Her present experience is triggering old, unresolved
feelings of rejection and badness. Her parents’ reaction to
her distress and falling grades was similar to the critical
voice she uses on herself in the present.

A man is passed over for a job, and begins having anxiety
that seems out of proportion.
During his childhood, his mother, a substance user,
abandoned the family and started another family with a
new man. The boy worried about her constantly.
The job situation represented not being chosen and all of
the feelings and fear connected to that.
Another reason people get stuck is that they haven’t
learned how to regulate and soothe painful peelings.

Self-Regulation vs Chaos

It is human, and it is the capacity of the Real Self to be
able to experience all emotions deeply, fully, and with
passion, from the greatest exhilaration to the deepest
despair. Some individuals, however, don’t feel able to do
that. What is this about?

Some people, consciously or unconsciously, believe that if
they access all their feelings,
•        They’ll fall into an abyss and never get out, or
•        They’ll start to cry and never be able to stop, or
•        They’ll be annihilated
•        They’ll collapse under the weight of guilt or shame,
or
•        They won’t be able to make it through the day, or
•        They’ll be rejected or abandoned, or
•        Their rage will be destructive and terrifying.



Some Coping Ideas…



In the Pasadena area, please call if you'd like the full text
of this publication mailed to you

                                   back home