excerpt from: Partnerships & Marriage Today Individuality or Intimacy?         People marry with every hope of growing together and creating a relationship that makes them feel emotionally healthy. What prevents us from doing this? It seemed so effortless and natural in the beginning...        When we are in the “falling in love” phase, partners feel connected, bonded and on the same page. We bring out each other's best parts and bring forth our own. In this symbiotic fusion, it seems agreed that we will meet each other’s needs with perfect understanding, admiration and love.       Then, differences begin to appear, along with feelings of disillusionment and disappointment. The fantasy ends. One partner may now want more separateness than the other.       This stage can be very distressing, as one partner may feel abandoned while the other feels smothered. There are conflicts. Each feels the other has broken an unspoken promise. Getting stuck in this stage can mean loss of self or loss of closeness. Working through this stage leads to a new experience of both autonomy and intimacy, as partners learn how to connect, disconnect, and reconnect.       Every couple struggles with these dynamics. In addition, couples who are strongly attached will always trigger unresolved childhood issues in each other.   Pathways to Communication...    In the Pasadena area, please call if you'd like a copy the full text of this publication.                                           back home